Week 15 ~ Me & my dad….NOT AGAIN!

me and my dad 2011

Tough week for me…..No, wait! Mental diet says to be positive so I’ll say it like this, “through the law of substitution, I am handling life’s challenges.”  As my fellow MKMMA colleague, Wanda Robinson says, “Target your virtues….” http://bit.ly/h3OwW3 If you’ve read my blogs before, you already know my mom, my best friend through the past 40 some years has mid to late stage Alzheimer’s disease.  I’ve come to terms with it, we make the best of it, she still knows me, and although there appear to be some difficult decisions coming up on her care, I’ve no doubt, between my step dad and me, we’ll figure it out.  “Putting” her somewhere is out my current state of mind’s possibility, so I am leaning more towards having home care help first.

Fast forward to this week, and I’m now faced with the reality of my dad having the same insidious disease.  A little background first……..he was always my hero, looks years younger than his 82…..though strict, rigid and for the most part distant in personality most of my life, there’s just something special about your dad.  He was a Naval officer, one of the most experienced divers in the Navy when he retired…….those dive tables we use for scuba diving today?  He was one of the first deep sea divers and basically tested those tables in their infancy.  He was part of the Sea Lab program that developed underwater living habitats in the late 60’s and 70’s.  I have listened to his stories about how he rescued POW’s in Viet Nam, laying in rice fields with leeches all over his body before swimming back with them to the safety aboard a submarine for years. He could fix anything mechanical, had a cattle ranch in the Ozarks for 18 years after retiring, and then moved to the gulf, not far from Biloxi about 15 years ago.  He was wiped out in Katrina with a 15 foot storm surge and finally rebuilt his place two years ago.  I didn’t always “like” my dad…. at times, I was even afraid of him, but to say I admired and looked up him would be a huge understatement.  We drove to Mississippi this week so I could see first hand what my step mom has been describing for a couple of months now.  In my mind, the suggestion of AD was simply out of the question.

my dad feeding the Sand Cranes

I won’t go into the depressing details, but it appears in my mind, lightning has struck twice in the same place…..So how does this long sad story relate to our MKMMA course? I think I’d be in the looney bin if it weren’t for this course.  If ever there was a time for the law of substitution, this week was it!  With most people, this week could have been incredibly traumatic…….that’s not to say, at some point, I may still fall apart.  But the law of substitution says we cannot think about two thoughts or things at the same time.  I could have focused on all the negativity associated with what the future now holds for my dad, me, his wife, the rest of the family……..but I would have ended up in a heap on the floor.  And for what good purpose?  So as hard as it was……and it was definitely HARD, I forced my mind to think of the good times, to remember him like he used to be.  He’s a “nicer” man today……..he has an affinity with animals and loves birds.  As we did the 360 loop, as he calls taking a walk around his 10 acres, on the back bayous of Gautier, Miss., I let him re-live his years in stories I’ve heard a hundred times.  I reveled in his efforts to rebuild his place on the water, both physically and in his mind.  Three months ago, I know I couldn’t have handled this situation.  I’m positive because 3 years ago, I failed in a similar situation with my mom, not having the MKMMA tools at work within me.  The law of substitution works! I feel sad and probably am not holding it together as well as I think, but the “law of substitution” kept me in a frame of mind this week, where I was able to cope and deal with one of life’s toughest challenges.

The law of growth is at work here too…..”whatever we think about grows and what we don’t think about atrophies!”  With two parents suffering from Alzheimer’s Disease, you can bet the genetic link is on my mind.  I refuse to let those next, naturally thinking, thoughts take over my mind…….I will continue to live healthy (true health!), cherish my marriage with Chuck, my kids and grandchildren and definitely focus on the positive, (my networking business)  and keep it growing.  As Og says in scroll IV, “I am unique”, and I like to think, I’m one of a kind….”I am rare, and there is value in all rarity: therefore, I am valuable”……I have great hope for MY future and this is my focus.

Advertisements
| 8 Comments

Week 14 ~ I am fed up with the deception of my success!

Doomed to fail in my network marketing business because I’m afraid to pick up the phone to talk to people, and then I have to throw my definite major purpose in life (DMP)  into the trash can because I can’t complete the required task to be successful?  That was our assignment this past week……Guess what?  It didn’t phase me a bit, other than thinking I was a complete fraud.  My personal pivotal needs (PPN’s) for my DMP WERE “helping others and true health”…..Our business is associated with a product that in itself, helps people.  All I have to do is share the information!  What is so hard about that?  Why am I so reluctant to pick up the phone and talk to people?  I love our company, our product! But I’m also guilty of acting on every distraction in the book in order to be busy with ‘stuff’ and avoid the phone.  What’s wrong with me?

I’m so angry and disappointed in myself because I’m holding the keys to not only improving everyone’s health, I’m literally keeping the keys to my million dollar door just out of my reach!

So what’s wrong with this whole picture??  Well the answer came via a fellow MKMMA’s blog this past week.  Mark & Davene started it with their NARC (Neurological, Associative, Reactive, Conditioning) exercise and that damn trash can routine……but when I read Vikki Lawson’s blog this week, the bitter truth was staring me in the face.  I felt NOTHING!  Mark said to think, “loser”….no problem there! If you haven’t read Vikki’s blog, stop now and go read it!  http://masterkeyvikkilawson.wordpress.com/2010/12/26/week-13-i-have-thrown-my-life-away-by-being-involved-in-the-masterkey-course/

I feel like I’m breaking the MKMMA rules again by changing my PPN’s within my DMP, but as we start on the downward slide towards the 26th week, I realized my needs were hollow, fake, shallow, and didn’t ring true to me.  I heard Mark say over and over, make sure you’re passionate about your DMP, but until I read Vikki’s blog, I hadn’t realized how devoid of passion my DMP actually was.  Don’t get me wrong, I “like” to help people…..I’m the first one to drop what I’m doing and go out of my way to give a hand, but I’m not passionate about it…..I think it has more to do with my personality and always wanting to be a people pleaser, always doing what I thought was right even if it might not be what I really wanted to do, and worse than that, ALWAYS worrying about what others thought of me…..to the point that once again, I’d sacrifice my own personal desires.  Am I selfish??  I don’t know if this makes me a selfish person……I dislike the description, but if I’m truly honest here, what I really ‘WANT’ and am passionate about is having “liberty” in my life.  Mark defined this as having the money to do as we want.  Maybe I shied away from money being my focus, because in all reality, money doesn’t motivate me, I’ve always had enough of it, haven’t “struggled” in the last 25 years……but the freedom of what money can do for my lifestyle, DOES motivate me.  True health motivates me, always had and always will, no matter what, but even this is tied to liberty.  I’m working out with a trainer……it takes money and the ability to be available at 5 in the morning……So money isn’t “THE” motivator, but it’s definitely the means to the end I want!

This is a huge admission for me and one, I’m frankly embarrassed to be writing about.  But if I don’t get this right for me, then who am I hurting?  ME!  Mark, if you’re reading this, you’re probably saying, jeeez, she’s a bit slow on the uptake here, isn’t she?  You see, when I dumped my DMP card in the trash, I didn’t feel the pain or grief Vikki described and that appalled me.  I took some time with the whole NARC process and my association with true pleasure was this:  I remember until we moved to Florida, I had a 25′ Boston Whaler called “A Woman’s Touch”.  I love to fish and was very competent at taking the boat out by myself and catching my share of Rock fish and Flounder…..but what really rocked my boat, (no pun intended) was the first ride out on the Chesapeake Bay with the cool spring wind whipping my face and feeling the exhilarating ride of that center console as I skimmed over the waves.  That first day was like the first time every single time! I looked forward to it every year…. I didn’t care whether I caught a fish or not……Wide open throttle, I was in control, and felt complete utter freedom!  Words don’t do the experience justice, but trust me, it was awesome!

Right now in my life, I spend so much time ‘pretending’ to work, being busy, and accomplishing nothing!  I want my LIBERTY back!  I want to feel free again, be able to do the simple things in life I enjoy so much, like designing jewelry, learning more about digital photography, reading, spending time with family,  fishing again, and making needlework stockings for my grand-kids.  I’m so tired of always feeling I have no free time because there’s always a sense of “needing” to be working.  I’ve had it with myself!  I am done wasting time pretending……I am fed up with the deception of my own success.  It is time to pull my REAL DMP out of the trash can and get my business  on track.  Since success is the only way to achieve what really matters to me most, then I need to do what’s necessary to get there……..and that means picking up the phone!  When I pick up the phone, I’m going to visualize that first day on the bay…..wind blowing my hair, the mist of cool Bay water on my face, and feel the surge of power in my boat as I push the throttle forward! I can stay out on the water as long as I am making calls.   How many times do I have to hear the same thing?   To quote Og, “I must fail often to succeed only once.” But how can I fail if I haven’t really tried?

| 17 Comments

Week 13 ~ My Year In Review

As 2010 comes to an end, I’m marveling and so grateful for the year I’ve had.  Chuck and I embarked on a new adventure in network marketing and are loving the company and people we’ve met. We’ve traveled to San Diego, Utah, Arizona, Alabama, Mississippi, Virginia and Maryland and all the states in between on the east coast.  We celebrated our first anniversary this past February.  For the first time in 5 years, I had all 3 of my kids, their spouses, and  grand-kids together under my roof this past Mother’s day….what a priceless gift for my favorite holiday!  I’m so grateful for the relationship I share with my kids! I am back on track with my lifelong fitness goals and becoming healthier each day.  I’m growing spiritually every day and though life with my mom’s Alzheimer’s has been a challenge, there have been memorable moments to cherish forever.

We were blessed with a new grandson in September!  3months old tomorrow!

Is that a happy baby or what??

We just learned yesterday that Chuck’s son and daughter are expecting their second child sometime in June of next year…..that will bring our grandchildren total to 4 in 3 short years! Whew!  Zero went to 4 in a hurry! Oh joy!

My youngest daughter (who’s 25 and lives in San Diego) has come into her own identity.   She had some incredible life challenges 3.5 years ago, has overcome them, and grown into the incredibly talented young lady I always knew she could be.  She’s also a gifted artist

so I thought I’d share one piece of work that fits perfectly in with the Christmas season.  The Jimmy Hendrix pic was her first publicly recognized piece and  is just to brag on her talent. 

It’s  awesome to know your children as adults and realize you did a pretty good job.

Finally, this year brought me the MKMMA experience……almost no words to adequately describe this journey.  I’ve moved forward, taken a couple of steps back at times, but more importantly, learned the value of never quitting.  Mark & Davene and all the fellow MKMMA peeps……some of you I’ve gotten to know briefly and it feels like the beginning of a life long friendship….No price tag on that aspect!  I am a different person than  I was just 3 short months ago and it feels incredible……

I’ll close with this well known video….. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfeXxkbgCVE It too seems to fit perfectly for the Christmas season but in reality, it’s a viewpoint we should adopt all year.  Can you imagine the world if everyone had a pair of these glasses?  Merry Christmas to everyone in our MKMMA group, I look forward to my continued personal growth, and always to the sharing of more experiences with you guys!

| 7 Comments

Week 12 ~ Struggling?

Week 12 of the Master Key Master Mind Alliance and I’m struggling, I’ve lost my pep, my jubilant personality….I’ve lost all semblance of time management…..the days are flying by and at the end of the day, I’m not sure I’ve really accomplished much, though my shoulders & eye strain tell me otherwise.

Coincidentally, I’m struggling at the end of my 4th week on the new fitness regime too……I feel out of harmony with my DMP which STATES, “I feel healthier, have more energy and sleep better”.…..this is after getting home to my king size bed again, LOL.  Instead I feel more tired, have less energy, and not as re-generated as I had hoped.  In one sentence, I am feeling overwhelmed.  The numbers on my blood work were fantastic so I’m thinking it’s got to be mental. But why am I having such a hard time controlling my mental thoughts?  I had been doing so well with re-training….

In # 28 of the Master Keys, it says, “never try to do any mental work under pressure; see that there are no tense muscles or nerves, that you are entirely comfortable….”  Are you kidding me??…Right now, there’s not a muscle in my neck or shoulders that doesn’t feel tense……On top of this statement, in Og’s, “The Greatest Salesman in the World”, we are instructed to rid our vocabulary of the words, “quit, cannot, unable, impossible, out of the question, improbable, failure, unworkable, hopeless and retreat, for these are words of fools.”

The words, “cannot and unable” are not only IN my head, they’re at the forefront of my vocabulary this week!  Yes, yes, yes, I know, I know!…..I’ve been starting the mental diet over and over again….I have a picture of my granddaughter giggling on my card and it’s plastered to my desk so I HAVE to look at her…..she does make me smile though.  I never like to admit I’ve taken on too much but I’m wondering…..I feel like the little ant trying to devour the tiger in Og’s book, only it feels more like an elephant. 

My head and neck muscles are so tight, my eyes are bugging out…. HELP!

I know everyone else has challenges this time of year, but I’m behind on reading other MKMMA blogs, therefore haven’t tweeted or re-posted a blog….I feel really bad about that, like I’m letting you all down…….I’ve emailed my list of accomplishments as instructed, but they’re not all on the cards yet….Okay, so none of them are on the cards..(I’ve read them a few times)…but it’s on my list for tomorrow…I promise!……I did enjoy a short mental ride, realizing I had experienced quite a bit in my life.  That was a positive feeling.

..I contemplated not writing Christmas cards this year but perish that thought!…..I couldn’t go through with it….Tradition is hard to break for me! Unlike Davene’s sentiment, I love the decorating, the lights, and the extra hustle and bustle…..I love the music, the old movies and overall festivities.  We’ve agreed in our family not to exchange gifts and I don’t miss that stress, but the cards have to stay!   I did find a great program on-line where you can add pictures and be creative, that also stuffs the envelopes, and mails the cards but like anything new, there was a learning curve…..should be much easier next year since I’ve entered all the addresses, categories, etc, but this took 3 days.  Okay, I feel good about getting them done……that’s another positive thought.

We’re having company for Christmas so the dilemma in choosing the menu, etc. is on my plate, no pun intended.  Chuck suggested I order the whole deal from the grocery store!  Has my time management gotten so out of hand that there’s no time to cook a turkey and all the trimmings??  Worse than that, am I actually considering this simple, time saving idea??  I am!  But I feel so guilty about it!         My mom would never have done this…..is this an old peptide worming its way back into my mind?  Who cares?  Why do I always worry about other people and what they think???  Old thinking coming out…..Chuck finally won me over with the statement, “this way we can spend more time visiting and less time stressing in the kitchen”….OK, so I’m going to give it a try this year…..I can hear some of you saying, what kind of person does this on Christmas??  Well knowing me, I’ll be jazzing up the side dishes and putting them in real dinnerware…..who’s going to know?  But you know what? I think I’ll save the dish washing and serve in tin foil containers!

God, I love Chuck…..I am so blessed to have him as my partner in life.  He always comes through with loving common sense and reminded me minutes ago that if I keep persevering on my list of tasks……I succeed and I win.  I started the day in the gym, I finished my cards, I solved the Christmas dinner debate, finished a good portion of week 12’s assignments, it’s late Saturday afternoon, so I’m calling it a day.  I’m headed to the tub for a long, muscle relaxing bath, maybe a small cocktail? and then it’s dinner out with friends……Thanks for reading this rant!

| 11 Comments

Week 11 ~ MKMMA Persistence & a Confession

Well…… on the one hand, this is the first week in 11, that I have to admit to not doing all the readings as I have in the previous 10. Does it matter if I say, I feel guilty about this??  Excuses, excuses, excuses…..yeah, they’re all there and I have plenty of them.  Here’s the best one, “Sleep Deprivation!”  Who sleeps in a full size bed anymore???  OKAY, I’m very grateful to be staying with family instead of in a hotel, but sharing a full size bed for close to two weeks with someone else is “trying” to say the least, especially when you’re used to a KING size bed.  It’s beginning to catch up with me….I’ve never had to think about waking someone up before I turned over…..as a result, a few too many moments of grumpiness and head bobs at the end of the day this week….As you might imagine, I’ve started my mental diet over a few times this week…..Just one more reason to have that Monster RV from my dream board…..there WILL be a king size bed in that baby….. Ok, I’m done with this little rant….

On the upside, I’ve followed my rigid eating regime almost to a TEE, except for consuming more than one glass of red wine this week.  I’ve worked out as best I can with the limited resources in the homes we’ve stayed in…..it’s amazing what you can do with your own body weight so I feel I’m still on a good path with my True Health goals.  I’ve no doubt I’ll whine like heck next week when I’m back in the hands of my trainer…..There is just NO way I push myself as hard as he pushes me.

I’ve had the opportunity to see my new grandson again, spend quality time with my daughter, my son, my granddaughter, and the other family members up here in Maryland.  There is nothing like family time around the holidays…..We won’t be here for Christmas but in many cases, this is the best of both worlds since people aren’t as stressed now as they are likely to be in a couple of weeks.  And it won’t bother us a bit to be back in the land of palm trees and surf for the actual Christmas holiday.  16 degrees this morning was just a tad on the chilly side for my blood!  No snow in the immediate forecast and that’s a good thing since we drove 800 miles to get here.

Scroll III is an awesome read…..In fact this is the second time I’ve included it in my blog in the last 2 weeks……It’s printed out and posted in my office….I loved scroll II, but I believe Scroll III  is a perfect summary of our journey and what we’re all trying to accomplish in our MKMMA group.  We each have had hurdles to leap over and continue to overcome obstacles every day to move forward within this course.  But this scroll attacks the concept of persistence in a way that can certainly be applied to life in general and I love that.  There is no conceivable thought of quitting at this point…..I’ve come too far, MKMMA is ingrained in my blood now and continues to permeate my daily existence in the strangest settings.  I find myself sharing bits and pieces of the MKMMA mentality……I’ve sent scroll III to many friends, business partners and family members.  I’m already gearing back up to 100% before we head home.  Our business is growing…..it wasn’t planned, but we’ve worked harder this month than many of the previous, so our outlook for January looks fantastic.  I’m filled with peace, harmony and gratitude and so thankful for Mark, Davene and the entire MKMMA group.  Thanks to all of you for your support so far!

| 2 Comments

Week 10 ~ Slaughterhouse of Failure? I Don’t Think So!

10 weeks in and I am proud to say, I’ve reached a personal milestone.  I guess we each have our own challenges in life.  In my most recent week, the list might include a little family drama, a few personal obstacles in our business, incredible fatigue,  a very rigid work out schedule, my mom with Alzheimer’s, a family member depressed and out of work, an 11 day business road trip to Maryland starting tomorrow, a different family member not depressed but also out of work, my youngest single daughter trekking through Spain and Portugal with a friend for 2 weeks,  my older daughter carrying the financial load in her marriage, did I mention the restricted food diet?, a daughter in law with 2 small children also carrying the financial load, and the final challenge came this afternoon in the form of an attorney in New Orleans calling to tell me the time share I sold 18 months ago (signed off, sealed and delivered), 2 years after my husband DIED, needs a quit claim deed with his signature to be valid,  etc.,    Yeah, right! Experience tells me these things ALWAYS happen when you’re trying to leave town.

…….I’ve no doubt the obstacle list would be 100 times longer if I polled all my fellow MKMMA peeps.  We all have challenges……..Did you know, I used to think life was supposed to be all rosy and perfect??  I thought something was wrong with me when I came across an obstacle…..now I know, these are the common bumps in the road of life and we can choose to let them overwhelm us or look at them as ways to challenge ourselves and grow.  I have to be honest though…. I really wouldn’t mind if my road were a little more like the German autobahn,

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

and less like what it feels like right now.

 

 

The difference in me today, after 10 weeks in the MKMMA course, is that I handle the stress, the challenges, the obstacles, call them what you want, with so much more composure and calm.  I’m more even keeled…..I catch myself…….OKAY, sometimes Chuck catches me with a gesture or a sweet email sent after I’ve gone to bed, but then I start over the next day, change course, bypass the detour and hop right back on the path to becoming the person I’m striving to be.  I persist, I charge forward, stumble back a few steps, charge forward again , tune out the complainers, the whiners, and stride with purpose towards that prize at the end of my journey.  Nope!  The slaughterhouse of failure is not MY destiny.  I plan to persist until I succeed!  And you know what? …. I always keep my promises!

 

| 19 Comments

Week 9 ~ To Dream or Not to Dream

Week 9 in the Master Key System says to “hold in mind the condition desired; affirm it as an already existing fact.”  How are we to bring about the desire to change conditions?  “By the law of growth.”  But what if the surrounding conditions are only in our hands if we’re selfish and self centered?  What if the desired conditions are really dreams and not realistically possible, not because we can’t visualize them (trust me, I can and I DO!), but because of outside conditions?

I am thankful for my wonderful husband and the love we share.  I greet each day with love in my heart for him.  I think I will always say those words from scroll 2! He is my rock and the stability in my life.  I am thankful for the time with my mom and step dad, Dutch, over Thanksgiving weekend.  It was the first time in years.  I hugged my mom and attempted conversation with her……mostly one sided, but there’s peace in sharing her personal space.  I gave her a manicure which hours later she insisted was done by someone else.  I treasured the moments just holding her hand in mine…I don’t take her unknowing comments to heart anymore……I know it’s simply the disease speaking.  I am extremely thankful for Dutch, because he bears the brunt of my mom’s daily care.  He was so grateful to have Chuck and I there for the simple conversations we shared.  We tend to take those daily conversations with the ones we love for granted……imagine losing that after 35 years together.

Parts of my dream board may remain just that, dreams.  I’ve made so many positive changes in my mental attitude, but this week, I have wavered and back pedaled.  I have an internal battle going on with my future….In my dreams, I get excited thinking about a road trip in an RV, selling our beachfront condo and living a more simplified life…..but in reality, I can’t bear the thought of being on the road and away from the support we give to Dutch and my mom.  I know spending time with her is for me, not her, but our presence is so important to Dutch.  We’re the relief and family and real connection to his old life with my mom.  We are his lifeline….I can’t imagine not being here for him.

So maybe my dream board needs to be modified a bit.  The three things which all mankind desires and which are necessary for complete development are Health, Wealth, and Love.  I am working on the “health” aspect every morning at 5:30 and making real progress.  I feel “strong and powerful”.  We are fortunate to already experience “wealth” so I feel blessed, “whole and perfect”.  I know I am “loving”, I’m overflowing with love for Chuck and my family.  Am I “happy and harmonious”?  I had to ponder this one a bit, but Yes, I am…….my dreams may have to change, but as long as I have love in my heart, and my family, I am happy and harmonious.

| 7 Comments